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What is Paralanguage?

Paralanguage is a form of non verbal communication – it is the way you say the content of your message. Research indicates that the tone, pitch and quality of voice can change the actual meaning of what you are saying.

For example, if you are waiting for a friend and they are taking a long time to get ready, you may said – “That’s alright – just take your time” if you said this in a sarcastic tone of voice – your friend would realise you didn’t want them to take their time – in fact the opposite is true!

The main point is, your voice – the speed and tone at which you speak is important. When you communicate you should be aware of the affects of tone, pitch, and quality of your voice on the interpretation of your message by your friends / colleagues.

People communicate information in lots of different ways – if you have children you can easily see when they are telling you a story which may not be the full / whole / true story of events.

The usual indicators that show that a person is not telling the whole truth or when they feel uncomfortable – is when the start to fidget as they are talking to you, they will made lots of over the top hand gestures,  and they will touch their face more often as a sign of hiding something.

Obviously, these are basic non verbal signs that professions like the police force look for – but they also have more sophisticated means to find out if people are not telling the truth – ie Lie detectors!!

Eye contact is the best form of non verbal communications – once you have this mastered you’ll be a pro!  Making the correct level of eye contact and be direct and powerful. In your business meeting, ensure that you make eye contact for a few seconds with everyone present in the room.

If you stare directly at you client this usually conveys a message of candour and openness and should help you create a relationship based on trust with your client. Do not glance down when you are carrying out your presentation – this is usually associated with modesty, however your client may see this as you being uncertain of yourself or of your product so they would be less likely to do business with you.

One final tip – do NOT roll your eyes upwards as this is seen as a sign of fatigue – your client will think you are bored and you will not get the best outcome for your meeting.

You may not realise it but space is a really important factor when you are communicating with someone. The amount of space you give someone often depends on your relationship with them. For example, you may get really close to your boyfriend / girlfriend when you are speaking to them as this is a sign of intimacy and affection. However, if you are not very familiar with a person and they are standing too close to you or invading your space when you are having a conversion – it can leave you feeling uncomfortable and violated!

Another example is when you are angry and being aggressive – you often find people invade your personal space as a sign of dominance.  The amount of physical space you need often differs depending on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship.

OK so you are just about to go into a very important business meeting and you need this client to sign on the dotted line. To ensure that you get the successful outcome you need to make sure you verbally impress the client but also your body language needs to be telling the client the same message!

If you go into this meeting and sit there with your arms folded across your body – your client will think that you do not want to be there and you are hiding something or trying to protect yourself. It is better to sit with your arms at your sides or on the table in an open gesture. Also keep your facial expressions in check – if this client is boring you do not show it – make sure you look interested and ask questions as your face will be constantly monitored by your client.

Ultimately, what you don’t say is even more important than what you do say – so watch your body language!

Do people still have ‘penpals’ or is it all done via email these days?

I can remember the rush of excitement if a letter landed on my doorstep.  Working out who writing it was, seeing where the postmark was from. Opening the envelope and then seeing the amount of pages that someone had actually taken the time to fill in writing to ME!

Do we get the same feeling from someone writing an email?  Seeing their address landing in our inboxes?  Or is it all too easy emailing, facebooking, and twittering?

I used to have loads of penpals growing up and some of them for quite a few years but over time lost contact with them – I wonder where they all are now – maybe I should have a look on facebook and see if they remember me?

Call me old fashioned but what has happened the standard pen and piece of paper and writing.  I’m scared that over time, kids of today are going to loose the ability of writing and stringing a sentence together normally.  All eveyone seems to use these days, is text – as already talked about in my prevoious posts- where anything but the normal English language is used.  Or email – where abbreviations are used in the same way as in a text message.  Or using facebook or twitter… what happening to picking up the phone and talking to your friends – it takes the same amount of time and I much prefer knowing someone WANTS to spend time talking to me rather than sending me a text or email at a time when they know I’m not available.

Where’s that pen and piece of paper I feel the need to write a letter to someone, somewhere!!

Sending text messages,  no matter whether it’s dating or not is a true form of art.  If you’re down with the kids then there are abbreviations are absolutelt baffle me.

Where the art of English going?  I’ve even received a few emails from friends which have text talk in them and these are friends which really should know better.

It’s not that I’m adverse to texting – far from it – I text alot.  But my messages are in plain full English which can be understood by all.  And I’m sure that it’s just as quick when on predictive as I tried to ‘get down with the kids’ and it took me longer to think of an abbreviation that writing it in full.

There – think that’s the topic of texting exhausted!

OK, so you’ve met someone on a night out, after a few glasses of wine.  You arrange a date, place and time by text.  You chat all week and flirt like mad, by text.  You buy an outfit and turn up for your date, texting first to make sure he’s there before you walk into the pub!

The magic of the first date  – made all the more exciting by the text messaging all week, fades fast.  One he doesn’t look like you remember him, nor does he sound like you remember him – surely you wouldn’t have gone for a man that sounds like Mickey mouse in the first place?

He sure can text but when he comes to the art of conversation it’s like pulling teeth out.  Surely if the effort had been made to chat during the build up week instead of text this would have been found out in an instant and you could be out with the girls right now not wasting your time with Mickey – or is that half the fun?!

This is really showing my age now (although I am only 35) but when I was first dating in my late teens and early 20’s – dating was so different.  You actually wrote someones number down and called them to have a chat and arrange a date.

It’s all done by text these days.  I’m not complaining I find it quite exciting but my friend commented to me not so long ago, and she’s the same age as me, that she couldn’t cope with texting to arrange a date as it’s so much quicker and easier to understand if you just picked up the flippin phone dialled the number and talked.  The art of chatting an making conversation is slowly dying away and surely so is the ability to write in plain English….but that’s for the next blog!